glaciers and palins and bears OH MY!

WE ARE MOVING TO ALASKA!!!

ok, Eric is already there so technically I AM MOVING TO ALASKA!!!

my wonderful, smart and awesome boyfriend (fiance if you will) accepted a job with Sherwin Williams sometime in september!!!  after countless emails and interviews and waiting and more waiting, the higher-ups must have realized that they would be foolish not to offer Eric the assistant store manager position he was being considered for!  they basically gave him two weeks after he passed his background check to get up there and start his training.  this all happened SO freaking fast!

Sherwin Williams covered the relocation completely, which i honestly did not know anyone did in this current economy.  i think they really wanted him!  so Eric moved up to anchorage, AK on september 19th.  he is currently living in an extended stay hotel and driving a rental car which the company is picking up the tab for.  his new employers sent him home for 5 days last weekend to oversee our belongings and his new (to him) truck being shipped - also free of charge to us!  

so he is currently doing his assistant manager training in anchorage but will be moving to the wasilla store soon, which will be his home base and where we will be living.  yup, i said wasilla as in sarah palin and schools that teach abstinence, and lots and lots of republicans with guns!  i can't lie i'm a bit nervous about finding a job in such a small town (there is only 8000 people) and being able to fit in!  these people eat moose - i swear no judgment but i don't eat meat.  i'm  gonna stick out like a sore thumb.

most of my clothes, shoes, purses etc were packed a few weeks ago - and are currently in transit.  it is SO freaking weird to only have 3 pairs of jeans, 3 hoodies and a handful of shoes.  i am still here because i have some medical and dental stuff that i need to take care of before i move 2500 miles away.  but i wish more than anything that i was up there with my love.  i assume he is a bit lonely as he only has a few pals up there and i shouldn't complain because i am still surrounded by my friends and family, but i miss him so much.  we have had an amazing few months.  the engagement turned us into different people.  we talk and were spending every night together and we have been so super happy.  i can't wait to get up there and start this new chapter in our lives together.  aye yi yi, this is going to be a crazy month!

oh and by the way you cannot see russia from wasilla.  oh man that lady is a dummy!

holy shitballs

after nearly 8 years of dating my sweet, adoring, handsome, sometimes crazy boyfriend asked for my hand in marriage on august 21st!!!  this was of course after he chatted with my parents and my brothers and asked them how they felt about us getting engaged!

although this wasn't the first time my silly bf had proposed to me - this proposal was sweet and perfect!  there was the drunken phone call proposal at 3am when i lived in ashland and he was in hillsboro when he performed an entire wedding ceremony over the phone.  next was the classic let's get married because we are in reno proposal - he had been drinking for like 12 hours straight prior!  and then the best proposal EVER and my all time favorite (until the most recent, of course) the drunken, naked proposal where he placed my toe ring on my hand as he proposed after we had a long fun night at the bar!

all were fun and special but this last REAL proposal was different.  it was HONEST & KIND & HAPPY.  we both got emotional (which i wouldn't have expected either of us to do) and he explained how he felt best when he said that he had never felt so warm and happy in his life.  i feel exactly the same and couldn't describe this feeling any better.  we are both elated and i can't speak for him but the butterflies in my stomach have returned and are just as strong, possibly even stronger than when they first appeared almost 8 years ago!

i haven't been this happy since... truthfully i'm not sure if i have ever been this happy!  life is great :)

no more menopause at 30

i wrote this around sometime around july , just in case you were wondering :)

so quick catch up.  i decided to not continue with the lupron shots. the second month that i was on them my pain actually increased nearly ten fold and it was just too much for me to handle.  its been 10ish weeks since my last shot and the hot flashes and crazy crying episodes have finally dissipated.

i am working on getting a Mirena IUD, which the lady parts doctors seem to think will help a little bit with my pain.  also it should stop my periods altogether: which are super long, heavy and painful (sorry if tmi).

so i am hopeful that my pain level may decrease, even if only an iota.  i'll take whatever i can get these days.

i am very lucky to have had so many wonderful people come from out of the woodwork and share their personal endometriosis stories or stories of their friends who have suffered with this ailment.  what i have gathered from all of these conversations is that if i do have endometriosis (which i am convinced that i do) the only sure fire way to eliminate the pain completely is to have a hysterectomy.

being a woman who has never attempted to become pregnant and is already halfway through my childbearing years the notion that i may never get to experience pregnancy literally makes me sick.  besides the whole hysterectomy may be the only cure for my sometimes debilitating pain, infertility is also a symptom of endometriosis - which obviously sucks as well.  the possibility that i may not be able to experience pregnancy really makes me sad.

not sure why i feel like i need to share this with all of you.  i guess i'm just voicing my concerns.  PLEASE believe me when i say that i will NEVER let anyone take out my baby making parts unless I have absolutely no other options and I have at least 3 second opinions!

i really really pray that it will never have to come to that.  although this is a fairly gloomy post i promise that i am still hopeful :)

i do like things

my boyfriend often tells me that i don't like anything.

so this post is literally going to be a list of things that i like (in no particular order)!

• snow - i LOVE watching it fall and how a light blanket of snow can make even the ugliest landscapes beautiful beyond words
• movies - funny movies (dumb funny, slapstick funny, smart funny), thrillers, horror movies, dramatic movies, historical movies
• my family -our get togethers, spending time talking with them, playing games together
• cooking shows - of all sorts
• dr pepper 
• my fiance
• my friends
• air popped popcorn with white cheddar seasoning
• liquor - spiced rum, vodka, regular rum, sweet tea vodka with lemonade
• the sun - especially when there is a body of water for me to float on nearby
• driving- i can have a smoke, sing as loud as i want, cry if i need to, i love the wind blowing in through the window
• cooking for others - even meat dishes
• jeopardy
• nirvana
• my cat S. Marvin Wilson
• taco bell - i know many people aren't fans, but i am
• trivia
• oregon - the city - portland, the burbs - hillsboro, ashland and it's surrounding cities, the greenness of everything from I-5 to the back roads to sherwood
• trying new cuisine
• traveling in the states and to foreign lands - figuring out maps, riding the subway, seeing how much older everything is as compared to the west coast
• the beach - i love everything about it; the smell of the salt water, the sounds of the waves crashing, the sand squishing between my toes, rain or shine, any time of year
• pasta 
• rice
• green veggies - broccoli, asparagus, brussels sprouts, spinach
• camping with my friends
• wearing skirts
• daisies
• sublime
• clean sheets & blankets
• spending time with my bf - laying in bed and watching movies all day, watching him preform, having a drink at the bar, making us yummy sunday brunches
• thanksgiving
• photography
• flip-flops
• homemade ice cream
• chopsticks
• swimmming
• purses
• manicures
• pedicures
• fall - the smell of the first fall rain, watching the leaves change colors,  the sound stepping on the dried leaves makes
• sandals
• trivial pursuit
• pina colodas
• road trips
• shoe shopping

oh the pain...

hello everyone.  this is going to be a bummer post, but truthful none the less.  i try not to complain about my pain all that often because it gets pretty repetitive to say and even more so to hear, but the truth is i am hurting.  i am in so much pain most days (like today) that i have a hard time even explaining it, but it is sharp and constant.  it's scary, i am on a strong pain medicine and i am still in this much discomfort.  i can't imagine how much pain i would be in if i didn't have these stupid little pills.  also, i feel like there is such a stigma attached with people who take pain pills and i want to make it clear that in no way, shape or form do i abuse them.  i will never take more than one in the six hour time frame i am supposed to take them, i have never taken a pain pill and had an alcoholic beverage (not even a glass of wine), i do not take them to get 'high', i don't even drive while i am on them - no matter my level of pain.  i take my pain pills when and because i am in pain. 

so, if i look like i'm sad, or hurting, or moving slow - this would be why.

i'm one lucky girl - seriously

yup, apparently i am going blog post CRAZY today!  maybe it's the rain?  i do feel like i have a few things that i need to share with anyone who may be reading this.

i want to thank all of my lovely, understanding, incredible friends who make my life so wonderful.  i have been a shitty friend lately, i don't get out much due to my pain and lack of fundage and i have been absent for many a birthdays, graduations, bachelorette parties etc. yet so many of my pals made it out to my bday and are always available if i need them.  i am not sure why i am so lucky or what i have done to deserve all of the love that i get from my friends and family, but i want everyone to know how much i love and appreciate you all.  

also, i want to share with whomever may be reading this that my bf and i are doing really well.  we have definitely had some ups and downs over the last few years and well, shit just hit the fan around my birthday.  we decided to take a break about a month ago and although it didn't last long at all, it helped us realize that we actually do like each other and enjoy spending time together.  since then things have been great between us.  truthfully as of now, things are going better for us than they have been in years.  i think it's safe to say that we both are working on our communication.  it's amazing how much a calm discussion can actually accomplish.  i love him and he loves me and we are both willing and ready to put some effort into figuring out what we need and what makes us happy both as individuals and as a couple.  

i guess i just wanted to let you all know that i am much more happy right now than i have been in quite a while - despite the medical bullshit i am going through.

and i honestly can't thank all of my friends and family enough for all of your help, love, understanding and support. 

bummer news

so i found out yesterday that my insurance is not going to cover my lupron shots.  i have had 2 shots and need another 4-10 to finish this treatment.  with the help of my AMAZING friends and family, research is being done to find a more affordable way to get this treatment finished (like grants or manufacturer discounts or programs).  as i have mentioned earlier the shots are $600 and i am supposed to get one a month.

i am sad and fell a bit helpless - this treatment is the only chance i have of getting better right now because my insurance will not pay for the exploratory surgery needed to diagnose endometriosis and without the diagnosis i can not get the surgery that would most likely cure my endometriosis.  i am trying my best to keep a positive attitude and although i am having a bit of a pity party today, tomorrow i will be back to get shit done mode!

just in case you are interested - here is a link to a informational endometriosis website.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/endometriosis/DS00289